Essay feedback example

Essay Feedback

Purpose/Structure

Analysis: The essay presents a central idea focused on the benefits and varieties of housing options, including prefabricated homes, RVs, and tiny houses. The introduction and conclusion frame the discussion effectively, reinforcing the theme of eco-friendly and cost-effective housing choices. However, the organizational structure suffers from some repetition and a lack of clear progression between sections. Transitions between different types of housing are abrupt, which slightly disrupts the flow of information. The conclusion attempts to summarize the key points but does so in a way that feels somewhat rushed and repetitive of the introduction.

Suggestions: To enhance the essay's structure, consider creating clearer, more purposeful transitions that guide the reader through the discussion of each housing type. For instance, after discussing prefabricated homes, a transitional sentence could link the environmental benefits of these homes to the similar advantages of RVs. Additionally, expanding the conclusion to reflect on the broader implications of choosing eco-friendly housing could provide a more satisfying and reflective closure.

Grade: 3/4

Development

Analysis: The essay demonstrates a general understanding of the topic, with adequate elaboration on the benefits of different housing options. Evidence from sources, such as the quotes from Blake Lindsay and Mary Jo Hunst, supports the discussion on prefabricated homes and RVs, respectively. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven; the section on tiny houses, while informative, relies heavily on a single source and lacks the depth seen in other sections. The evidence is relevant but not thoroughly integrated into a cohesive argument, as the connection between different points is sometimes loose.

Suggestions: To improve development, integrate evidence more seamlessly by linking each piece of information back to the central argument about the benefits of each housing type. Additionally, consider diversifying sources and providing more detailed examples to strengthen the discussion on tiny houses, ensuring that this section matches the depth of information provided on other housing options.

Grade: 3/4

Language

Analysis: The essay utilizes a range of vocabulary appropriate for the discussion of housing options, with terms like "prefabricated," "eco-friendly," and "sustainable" effectively conveying the central themes. Sentence structures show some variety, but the fluidity of ideas is occasionally hampered by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "it's own obvious pleasures" instead of "its own obvious pleasures," and "shippedd" instead of "shipped." These errors, along with inconsistent punctuation and capitalization, detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. The tone is generally appropriate, aiming to inform and persuade, though it sometimes becomes overly casual, as seen in phrases like "Yeah, that's right."

Suggestions: To elevate the language quality, thorough proofreading is essential to correct grammatical errors and refine sentence structure. Aim for a more consistent formal tone throughout the essay, avoiding colloquial expressions that might undermine the academic integrity of the analysis. Enhancing sentence variety and complexity could also improve the readability and sophistication of the text.

Grade: 2/4

Overall Grade: 8/12 (66%)

Summary

The essay effectively introduces a variety of housing options and discusses their benefits, particularly in terms of environmental impact and cost-efficiency. However, the essay's impact is lessened by structural weaknesses, underdeveloped sections, and language errors. Strengthening transitions, providing more balanced development across different housing types, and improving grammatical accuracy would enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of the essay. By addressing these areas, the essay could more effectively communicate its important message about sustainable living choices.

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Error Report

Spelling Errors

Error: "it's" should be "its" in "each selection has it's own obvious pleasures."

Error: "shippedd" should be "shipped."

Error: "convient" should be "convenient."

Error: "enrgy" should be "energy."

Error: "tnd" should be "tend."

Error: "of course" should be "Of course" at the beginning of a sentence.

Grammar Errors

Error: "A oblivious buyer" should be "An oblivious buyer."

Impact: This error disrupts the flow and demonstrates a lack of grammatical knowledge.

Suggestion: Use "An" instead of "A" before a vowel sound. Example: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

Error: "the more modern approach on housing" should be "the more modern approach to housing."

Impact: This affects clarity and precision in the expression of ideas.

Suggestion: Use "to" instead of "on" for correct prepositional usage. Example: "the approach to education."

Sentence Structure Flaws

Error: "A pretty sweet deal and remarkable benefits, for both the buyer, and mother nature."

Impact: This sentence lacks a main verb, making it a fragment.

Suggestion: Revise to include a verb: "This offers a pretty sweet deal and remarkable benefits for both the buyer and Mother Nature."

Error: "This helps nomads go far, and keep moving."

Impact: The sentence structure is awkward and could be clearer.

Suggestion: Consider rephrasing: "This allows nomads to travel extensively while maintaining mobility."

Coherence Gaps

Error: The transition between discussing prefabricated homes and RVs is abrupt.

Impact: This disrupts the flow of ideas and makes it harder for the reader to follow the argument.

Suggestion: Use transitional phrases to connect ideas, such as "In addition to prefabricated homes, another great option is RVs."

Clarity Issues

Error: "This means to order the home from a factory."

Impact: The phrasing is vague and could be misinterpreted.

Suggestion: Clarify by saying, "This refers to purchasing a home that is manufactured in a factory."

Error: "This will help slow global warming, and provide decent homes for everyone."

Impact: The phrase "provide decent homes" is too vague and lacks specificity.

Suggestion: Specify what makes the homes decent: "This will help slow global warming while offering affordable and sustainable housing options."

Logical Inconsistencies

Error: The essay states that "the smaller the homes, the more space there is for even more cheaper and eco friendly homes to be built."

Impact: This statement lacks logical support and clarity, making it difficult to understand the argument.

Suggestion: Provide evidence or reasoning to support this claim, such as discussing zoning laws or urban planning strategies that allow for smaller homes to create more housing opportunities.

Positive Feedback

Your essay presents a variety of housing options effectively, showcasing the benefits of prefabricated homes, RVs, and tiny houses. The use of quotes from credible sources adds authority to your arguments, and your enthusiasm for eco-friendly living is evident throughout the piece. The structure of your essay is clear, with a logical progression of ideas that keeps the reader engaged.

Improvement Plan

Focus on Grammar and Spelling: Review basic grammar rules, particularly articles and prepositions. Utilize tools like Grammarly or Hemingway to catch spelling and grammatical errors before finalizing your work.

Enhance Sentence Structure: Practice combining shorter sentences to create more complex structures. Reading your essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and fragments.

Improve Coherence: Work on using transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Consider outlining your essay before writing to ensure logical flow between sections.

Clarify Arguments: When making claims, provide specific examples or data to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and enhance the overall clarity of your writing.

Set Achievable Goals: Aim to revise one section of your essay each week, focusing on the areas identified in this report. Track your progress and seek feedback from peers or instructors to measure improvement.

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Essay content

When it comes to housing, there are just so many options.

So many homes to choose from, and each selection has its own obvious pleasures. There is just no limit to the creativity and beauty of these homes, not to mention the incredible benefits. People can choose from RVs, tiny homes, or even prefabricated homes. These options can come in many styles and have many benefits. There is so much to consider with all these possibilities. An oblivious buyer is sure to miss out on amazing deals, so stay in the know and consider the following information. It is sure to please anyone looking to save a few bucks.

Of course, the more modern approach to housing is prefabricated homes. This means ordering the home from a factory. Yeah, that's right, people can now order their house. These homes are created in a factory and shipped to the new owner. It is a pretty convenient way to buy a house. Another great thing about prefabricated homes is the very little amount of waste produced. Blake Lindsay explained that, "Prefabricated houses don't create as many extra pieces of material that have to be thrown away." (Source 1, Prefab Housing). He is telling us how, because of the little extra material created, less waste is thrown out.

Traditional homes are created with materials bought in bulk, and those materials are cut, nailed, painted, and turned into a home. The extra materials are just thrown away. They get hauled off to a dump, where they are just buried in the earth or burned. Either way, this hurts the environment. Waste also contributes to global warming. In the factories, they reuse as much of the extra materials as possible, making as little waste as they can. This helps the environment without taking away from the production of homes. A pretty sweet deal and remarkable benefits for both the buyer and mother nature.

Another great option would be RVs. RV owners don't have to worry about leaving home—the owner can take it with them. RVs are houses on wheels that have all the comforts of home. While yes, it is a smaller home, the owner doesn't have to leave. No more worrying about someone breaking in, grocery shopping, the park, or whatever the case may be. Anyone can go wherever they please and never leave home. They don't have to worry about not being able to find their way home—it goes with them everywhere. This also saves money. Mary Jo Hunst says, "Large batteries supply electricity for the RV, and full-timers... sometimes using solar panels or generators... ensure the batteries are fully charged." (Source 2, Tiny Houses, Big Backyards). Mary gives two good ways to charge your RV's battery, so that the owner can go wherever they please and keep moving for as long as they choose. This helps nomads go far and keep moving.

This also saves money on gas, which everyone knows can be quite expensive. Solar panels are also good for the environment. They use the sun's energy to create electricity, and there are twelve hours in a day, so that's twelve hours the RV can collect energy. Not to mention the size. It is small, yes, but that makes the energy last longer, and the owner pays fewer bills. Great news, right? Of course it is!

And finally, join the tiny house nation. This exceptional, eco-friendly, low-cost option is available anywhere. Small houses are trending, and there's no better time to get back in style than the present. These houses are cheaper, eco-friendly, and chic. The economist describes one of these houses as, "...full kitchen and bathroom, a loft big enough to sleep in, and a roomy living area with a vaulted ceiling." That house came out to three hundred and fifty square feet. That is small, but a really important cutback. These tiny houses are made of salvaged material, which reduces waste. That is good for the environment, and it's cheaper than buying all new materials. This small home can also come with a nice yard. Not only that, but if the buyer so chooses, it can be prefabricated.

Global warming is a real issue, and tiny homes are here to help. The cutback in size is also a cutback in energy waste. This will help slow global warming and provide decent homes for everyone. Not to mention that the smaller the homes, the more space there is for even more cheap and eco-friendly homes to be built. This is also very important.

In conclusion, there are so many homes to choose from.

There are always going to be up-to-date housing options that help the environment and look amazing. There is so much to consider. Just remember, oblivious buyers tend to miss out on great deals. The more you know, the easier life is. Whether your home is prefabricated, an RV, or part of the tiny house nation, there is always something out there meant for your personal needs. No matter what you choose, choose what feels right for you. There will always be that perfect home. You'll know when you find it. Just remember, stay eco-friendly, and save money. It helps in the long run.

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